Twix Santorum

(and 3 other US presidential primary 2012 themed snacks)

Having a few friends over to watch the gripping TV coverage of this year's presidential primaries? And honestly, who isn't? You need some political party snacks!

Whichever nominee you're backing, we've got the perfect snack for you. Read on for full recipes for:

• Twix Santorum
• Mitt Hominy (a.k.a. Grit Romney)
• Fig Newt Gingriches
• Prawn Pauls

Author's note: It has been suggested that these recipes were designed to somehow poke fun at the fine patriots who are companionably wrestling for control of the Republican Party. Nothing could be further from the truth; this Instructable is a fond tribute rather than an attack. Believe me, the last thing I would want to do is accidentally smear Santorum where all the internet can see. I'm sure there are other sites for that.

A guilty pleasure, this white and brown sludgy mess might not look appetizing, but it is surprisingly addictive. Imagine s'mores, with added caramel. Mmmm...

Because this recipe uses Twix chocolate bars, you can easily adjust the size of your snack: You can choose how many fingers you want to put in, depending on how full you're feeling. If it's your first time and you're not sure you'll like it, I recommend just using half a finger.

Ingredients:

• Twix chocolate bars
• Marshmallow fluff
• Chocolate Graham crackers

Start by laying out your Graham crackers on a microwave-proof plate. Spread a thin layer of marshmallow fluff over each cracker. Don't go overboard; you only need enough to glue your Twix bits to your crackers. Remember: too much fluff can make your biscuit hard to eat.

Carefully position your fingers. Cut some grooves in them so that all the gooey goodness can leak out.

Now top your candy with a little more fluff.

Microwave your Twixes Santorum for 30 seconds on full blast, then remove them while they're still swollen and gooey.

Note: The plate and its contents will be hot, so be careful when extracting it from the microwave. Weirdly, the official version of this recipe demands that you do not use an oven glove, even if you're doing it in the privacy of your own home. Yes, using a glove would be safer and a lot less messy, but it would also be wrong. Why? Because that's what the recipe book says. At least, according to certain interpretations, it says that. The book's changed quite a lot over the years.

Now for the fun part! Take a fork and whip up the surface of your snacks until you have a frothy mixture of marshmallow and Twixal matter. Mmmm... streaky...

Serve up your snacks while they're still warm and squishy!

This dish is utterly bland, so you can change its flavor to please almost any crowd. In fact, it's the lack of any real flavor that makes it so appealing!

Ingredients:

• 4 cups of water (or milk, if you're making sweet grits)
• 1 tsp salt
• 2 tbsp butter
• 1 cup of grits
• Accompaniments (e.g. sausage, bacon, egg, fruit, honey, etc.)

In a medium saucepan, bring the water, butter and salt to a gentle boil. Add the grits bit by bit, stirring or whisking as you go.

Keep the mixture on a low heat for 20-25 minutes, until you've achieved the desired consistency, then serve up with whatever other ingredients you've chosen. Yum.

Note: For Mitt Hominy, consistency is not as important as you might think.

These pale, doughy treats are a new take on the classic Fig Newton recipe. Sure, they might look physically unappealing, but each Fig Newt Gingrich's misshapen exterior contains a deliciously sweet and chewy center.

For a non-vegetarian option, try substituting the figs with actual newts! I haven't tried it, but what's the worst that could happen?

Ingredients:

For the dough:

• 4 oz butter
• 125 g sugar
• zest of 1 orange and 1 lemon
• 1 egg white
• 200g white flour

For the center:

• 15-20 dried figs
• 1 cup of apple juice
• 1 cup of pomegranate juice
• 1/2 cup of water
• 50g sugar

Soften the butter slightly in a microwave, then whisk in the sugar to form a creamy paste. Add the egg white, fruit zest and beat until smooth. Next, sift in the flour and mix thoroughly until you have a consistently squidgy dough.

You'll find this easier with a food processor, but it can also be done by hand using a fork and some elbow grease.

The dough will need chilling before you can roll it out, so wrap it in cling film and put it in the refrigerator for at least two hours.

Now that the dough's chilling, you can make the filling.

Roughly chop up the figs, removing any tough stalks as you go.

In a heavy saucepan, stir together the figs, juices, sugar and water.

Bring to the boil, then simmer for at least 90 minutes, until the figs have fallen apart and you're left with a pan full of figgy jam.

Once the dough is firm and the jam is cool, roll the dough out as thinly as possible onto a floured surface. Try to form it into a rectangle.

Now lay out three strips of jam on top of the dough; these will form the centers of your Fig Newt Gingriches. Work as quickly as possible, as the dough will become much less manageable as it warms up.

Slice the dough into three equal strips, then fold it around the jam to make three long rolls of jam-filled dough. Chop these into smaller pieces and lay them out on a greased baking sheet.

Don't place them too near the edge, or they might try to sneak over the sheet's border while you're not looking.

Bake at 350°F (121°C) for about 15 minutes, until the Gingriches are puffy, but not too browned. Let them cool before serving. These taste even better a day or two after you've cooked them.

These wrinkly little snacks don't quite fit in with the other, more mainstream snacks but they're still absolutely delicious. Perhaps try serving them at your next tea party?

Ingredients:

• 500g pre-cooked prawns (shells off)
• 1/2 white onion
• 2 stalks celery (leaves still on)
• 1 handful of fresh cilantro
• 2tbsp mirin
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 1tsp salt
• 1 egg
• Cornstarch
• 1L canola oil

Start by dicing all of the prawns, onion, celery and cilantro and mixing them together in a large bowl.

Add the egg, mirin, soy sauce and salt, then mix again. 

Now gradually add cornstarch until the mixture is sticky enough to form into balls. Form the sticky mixture into balls.

Heat up the canola oil until a little bit of the mixture will immediately sizzle and pop when dropped into it. Carefully lower the balls into the hot oil, a few at a time. When browned, remove with a slotted spoon and let cool on a sheet of kitchen towel.

Serve up with hot sauce and minimal federal intervention!

Let me know how they all turn out!